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Layla’s Birth Story

Layla’s Birth Story

On the 11th of April at 2:03am, I woke up with irregular Braxton Hicks. I attempted to go back to sleep, which resulted in a lot of tossing and turning. By 3am they started to feel a whole lot more regular and the pain has increased. So, I started to time them. First two were nine minutes apart, the second two seven minutes apart. I decided to wake my husband and suggested that maybe we call my MIL to look after Parker and head to the hospital. He leaped out of bed called his Mum and got dressed. I phoned the midwife to let her know that we were on our way. She asked me to stay home a little longer until I was having three contractions every ten minutes or at least one every four minutes.

I hung up the phone not feeling comfortable with the idea of staying home longer. I felt things were progressing and fast. The next two contractions were five minutes apart. I called her back and said that I was anxious and didn’t want to stay home any longer. She told me to come in but to take my time getting there. I waited for another contraction to pass and then I attempted the walk to the car. As I left my bedroom door a wave of pain stretched across my tummy that crippled me, with me ended up on the floor, unable to move. My husband then carried me to the car. I started to sweat and feel unwell and then proceeded to vomit. We were on our way.

The whole car ride I was completely silent, continually telling myself every pain is a step closer to meeting our baby and every bump in the road is a step closer to getting to hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and I had no idea how I was going to make it up to birth suite. I asked my husband to get me a wheelchair. As I sat in the car I kept telling myself that my body knows what to do, but I was also loosing control of my breathing. He arrived back shortly with a wheelchair. I was in two minds, I wanted to go in but I also didn’t want to move.

I shuffled into the wheelchair and we made our way to birth suite. I stayed in the wheelchair until they were ready to examine me. As I climbed onto the bed, I pleaded for an epidural. The midwife went through the risks and the fact that it can end in intervention but at that time I felt like I was loosing control and the thought of the unknown scared me. I started to doubt whether I could do it without pain relief. She said she would have to wait to determine whether I was in active labor first. There was no doubt in my mind that I was.

They listened to babies heart rate and with every contraction it was dropping quite low. They asked me to move positions and she hit the buzzer for another midwife and Dr to come. She told me that my baby wasn’t happy when I was contracting. So many questions and thoughts ran through my mind but I was speechless. Unable to talk. I just lay there praying that everything would be ok. She then called someone else into the room and proceeded to examine me. I was fully dilated. Her words, ‘well you won’t be getting that epidural your full dilated’. Complete shock ran through my body! I looked over to my husband in utter despair. How on earth could I get through this without an epidural.

The midwife then broke my waters, as baby was showing signs of distress and they wanted to start the process faster. As the waters trickled down my legs, I told myself that this pain was a small price to pay for a baby and I needed to remain focused and in control as there was nothing else I could do. I had hopped onto this roller coaster and whether I loose control or not, I can’t jump off until the ride stops.

They then handed me the gas. Best thing ever. It regulated my breathing and allowed me to focus on listening to my body. With every contraction I breathed as deeply and slowly as I could, while squeezing the crap out of my husbands hand. I was so unsure as to how long this process was going to take. With the next contraction my body started to push. The feeling was surreal and I was unsure whether I should push along with my body. With the next I felt her head come down and then move back. Every time my body pushed, I felt a sense of relief. The next contraction I pushed with my body and her head came down and stayed. It was a bizarre feeling knowing that the pressure and object I could feel between my legs was my baby. With the contraction next her head was out. I couldn’t believe that I was so close to meeting my baby girl and I had done this. That my body guided me through the whole process. The next contraction took a little longer and the midwife asked me to start pushing early. Not long after I started to prematurely push, my body contracted I gave it my all and she came out. She was here and it was all so surreal. Just as quick as the pain came it was gone again and I had a warm, beautiful gooey baby laying on my belly. I looked up at my husband, he kissed my head and we stayed staring at her on my chest. I laid there in shock that my baby girl was here healthy and happy and in awe of what my body had just done. It was such an amazing and magical experience. One that I will never take for granted.

Welcome to the world Layla Elizabeth.

Easter Ideas

Easter is an occasion that always makes me happier. I mean is there anything cuter than seeing babies and kids dressed up as little bunnies (don’t think so.) Not to mention the chocolate (little solid Easter eggs are the best!)

However since having Parker, Easter is a little less about chocolate and more about small gifts, traditions and spending time together. Trying to think of non chocolate ideas can be a little tricky.  So, I decided to put together a blog full of ideas for your little one this Easter.

Here are my must have Easter picks this year. If you see something that you like simply click on the link and you will be directed straight to their website.

Happy Easter Beauties xx

This is a little basket that I put together just in case my littlest love decides to make an early appearance and also because I love a good basket full of goodies.

Sadie Baby T Bar Shoes – http://www.sadiebaby.com.au

Jamie Kay Cardigan-  http://www.monkeymoo.com.au

Grey Jelly Cat from CMC Gold – http://www.cmcgold.com.au

Baby Noise Wooden Egg Shakers – http://www.babynoise.myshopify.com

Wooden Cat Stacker – http://www.happygoducky.com.au

Some more non chocolate Easter ideas that support small business.

Zilvi Easter Plaque – http://www.zilvi.com.au

Love Tildy Bunny Puzzle – http://www.lovetildy.com.au

Little Pine and Co Bunny Teether – http://www.littlepineandco.com

Indi and Arrow Bunny Bonnet – http://www.indiandarrow.bigcartel.com

Bekaboo Easter Basket – http://www.bekaboo.com.au

Baby Girls Room

There is something so special about creating your babies nursery. It’s a room so special, so meaningful. It signifies new life, will hold some of our deepest memories and see our little one reach each milestone. I look forward to the day that I can hold and comfort you in here, sing you songs and smoother you with kisses. Until then this is a little haven that I sit in and dream about what you will look like, when you will come and just how much you will make our hearts grow.

When I created this space I wanted to make sure that it was functional but also stylish. When it comes to spaces in our home I am notorious for changing my mind, so I also wanted to be able to change the look and colours easily.

Love the subtle blush against all that crisp white.

This little swan is perfection. To me it’s classic and not over powering.

This little bunny is the statement piece on this wall. She is both elegant and bold.

A number of significant pieces sit on this shelf. I purchased that flag when we started throwing the idea around about having another baby and I bought that rattle while trying to conceive. Once we fell pregnant with this little miracle I ordered that feather, which continually reminds me just how blessed we truly are.

That final moment when you complete the babies nursery and just sit in there waiting and wondering about who she is going to be and what she is going to look like.

A gorgeous wall for me to admire while sitting in here feeding.

Prints are a great way to compliment any room and so easy to change or mix around.

I have absolutely loved putting this room together. There are still a few pieces that I would like to add and no doubt I will continue to change things up in here on a regular basis, so make sure you check out my Instagram page for store information and new pieces.

xx

Being comfortable in my own skin

Being comfortable in my own skin has always been something that I have struggled with. Every time I looked in the mirror, I looked for an imperfection or something that I could change. Every photo I took of myself, I would always find something I didn’t like about it. My jaw line when I smiled, the wrinkles forming near my eyes, my big forehead and the list goes on. Instead of focusing on the positive things that I liked about myself, I feed my mean girl and drowned in negative comments. Don’t get me wrong, that still happens now but once I see something negative, I now try and back it up with something positive about myself.

There is always something that people want to change. Bigger boobs, smaller thighs, no freckles, olive skin, smaller nose. But, do you think that even if you could change everything you wanted about your body, would you still be happy? Or would there always be something else that you would want to do to your body or want to change.

For a long time I wanted a smaller bum. I wanted to feel good about wearing a bikini and not feel the need to hide in shorts. A year after I had Parker my bottom somehow shrunk (may have been from all the sleepless nights and swapping food for caffeine.) So now that my bum was smaller, I would feel good about wearing a bikini, right? Wrong. My bum was smaller but so were my breasts and every time I put on a bikini I felt like a man. I began to think, is the list ever going to end. If I get a boob job, would I then feel confident or is it more about the way I hold and view myself, than the way I actually look in the mirror.

I’ve decided to try and work on not comparing my body and instead nourishing and complimenting all the things that it has achieved. After all, when I am in my final days of this life, am I really going to be thinking about how I should have tried harder to get that amazing physique or still worrying about my frown lines. I think not. Life is all about the uniqueness that you as a person brings to this word. Some of the most beautiful people I know in this world still have flaws, but their kindness, outlook on life and the way they hold themselves is far more beautiful than any perfectly physiqued person.

Beauty should never be restricted to a particular body shape. Beauty should not be looked at as something that we can grasp, it should be viewed as something within. It’s about the way you speak, hold yourself, your warmth and charisma.

It’s important to see the beauty that you withhold and know that you are beautiful, even if you don’t fit the world’s stereotypical sense of beauty, whatever that is!

 

xx

Christmas Must Haves

So Christmas is creeping up on us rather fast and I am beyond excited! Christmas with kids is truly magical as they begin to understand what the season is all about and can anticipate the magic that is, Santa.

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Christmas is by far my most favourite time of the year. I am one of those crazy Christmas lovers that puts their tree up in November and must buy more decorations every year.

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I also can’t help go a little crazy when it comes to buying presents for Parker and I am known to go a little overboard. However, this year I have promised to be responsible when it comes to present buying (whatever that means).

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Christmas for me is also about traditions. I love starting new traditions and for some reason I have so many focused around Christmas. Some of our traditions include looking at Christmas lights, placing a gift under the Kmart wishing tree, new Christmas PJs for the whole family on Christmas Eve, putting out food for Santa and the reindeer’s, watching ‘The Grinch’ on Christmas Eve, making cookies for Santa, Dad putting the star on the top of the tree and really I could go on and on.

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So, I was more than excited to come up with my favourite ‘shop small’ gifts for little ones and mammas this year. It was so much fun scrolling through Instagram looking for items that I knew the little ones would get so much joy out of and that would also in turn support movers, makers and shakers.

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Here are my top Christmas Must Haves for your little one:

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Baby Noise Instruments – www.babynoise.myshopify.com

Raw Threads Shorties – www.rawthreadsforkids.bigcartel.com 

Kookinuts Christmas Tags – https://kookinuts.com.au/

Silent Little Whispers Christmas Prints – https://silent-little-whispers.myshopify.com/

Honey Bee Toys – https://www.honeybeetoys.com.au/

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Harlz and Haven Christmas Bow – http://harlzandhaven.bigcartel.com/

Milton Ashby Personalised Plane – http://www.miltonashby.com.au/

Studio Bowerbird Banner – http://studiobowerbird.net 

Cotton and Thread Christmas Stocking – www.cottonandthread.bigcartel.com

TLeaf Collections Moon Memory Drop – https://www.tleafcollections.com.au/

 

Finding the perfect gift for mum

This can be so hard! There are always a million things I want but when it comes to writing a Christmas wish list, I’m always stuck. So I have found a few items that are perfect for every kind of mamma.

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Fawn and Finch Shoes – https://www.fawnandfinch.com.au/

Write To Me Organiser and Diary – https://writetome.com.au/

Milkies Sauv Candle – https://www.milkiescandleco.com/

Francesca Bracelet – https://www.francesca.com.au/

 

 

My ttc journey

How hard can getting pregnant be? You get an ovulation kit, find out when you ovulate and then have sex. Wallah, you should be pregnant. Right? Wrong! Every month it’s like you are given new hope. You ovulate, you do the deed and then you wait. You wait for what feels like forever, until the day that your period is meant to make its grand entrance. You hope and wish that this month will be the month, but just like every other month your period appears. Now you are left with no hope. It feels like you are right back at the beginning again. You’re on a carousel that you cannot get off.  You are deflated and it doesn’t seem like there is any faith but yet, you try again next month.

As the day your period is due creeps up, you convince yourself that every twinge, cramp or pain is a pregnancy symptom. Ouch my breast as sore (straight to google – “are sore breasts a pregnancy symptom” YES, they are! But so is everything else that could also be the sign of your period coming). Every month I fooled myself into believe that this is it, I’d tell myself to keep guarded, don’t think about it, it will happen. But for anyone who has really wanted a baby and has been trying for a baby for what feels like forever for them (it could be months or years) it’s the hardest thing to do! Because it consumes you.

This is what my pregnancy journey was like. When we started trying to conceive with this little one, I had it in my head that it wouldn’t take too long because my body had already had a baby, so it knew what to do. Hahaha that was so silly.

We tried without any ovulation sticks or temping or timing of any sorts at first and the months went by. So I then started to track my cycle and pee on thousands (exaggeration) of ovulation sticks. I was ovulating but not every month. I had this same problem when ttc with Parker. So I decided to go back to my gynecologist. Drag. He sent me for some blood tests, a pap smear and did an internal ultrasound (so much fun). Everything looked fine, so he decided to start me on Clomid. I was excited for this. New hope. My SIL and friend had, had early success with Clomid and I thought I would be exactly the same. Wrong again.

I started taking Clomid that month. The first fun thing I learnt about Clomid is when you are on it, you have to have two internal ultrasounds a month. For anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure of having one, it’s a little like putting a probe inside you and poking it around, where things shouldn’t be poked. The first internal was to check if I had eggs producing and the second to see if any were ready to drop. On my first round of Clomid one egg dropped and it was go time. Followed closely by my period. Its OK, this is just the first time, I told myself.

So back on the Clomid for another month. Except this month I didn’t ovulate. Why was this happening? Instead of losing all hope when my period came, my hope was lost 12 days in to my cycle. Making it a really long month. That wasn’t the only problem. The side effects were starting to kick in. I couldn’t control my emotions (happy one minute, crazy cat lady the next), I was becoming forgetful (missed numerous lunch duties at work) and I started to have trouble sleeping (this made the crazy cat lady worse).

The Dr then decided to up the dose of Clomid. Back in for that beautiful internal, this time I ovulated and not only had one egg dropped but two! The Dr then proceeded to tell me the complications of having twins and the risks. He also informed me that the eggs could split and I could possibly end up with triplets. He then informed me about early termination. So here I am wishing for a baby and have the possibility of having two and my Dr is telling me that we should skip this month or I could terminate because he doesn’t like the risk factors that come with twins. I left feeling helpless and deflated. I can’t even tell you what I was thinking, because I was at such a lose with the fact that two eggs dropping could have been negative, that I just switched off and felt emotional less.

Once I got home my husband remind me that if this was occurring naturally we wouldn’t be able to decide, so why now! Exactly. However that horrid period showed its face again and I was back on the bathroom floor crying, asking if it was ever going to happen. The following month, I pulled myself up onto the hospital bed with the tiny amount of energy I had left, while once again he gave me an internal ultrasound. I was looking at the machine hoping there was a little egg there waiting to become our next baby and there was two. AGAIN! We tried again that month but yet again I was cruising down the ladies aisle buying tampons.

At my next visit he told me that the Clomid wasn’t working for me and he wanted me to inject myself with a needle at the beginning of every cycle. My head was spinning. Wasn’t it working, eggs were dropping. Had he also lost hope! It all became a little too much. The constant pill taking and the side effects of Clomid, not to mention mentally going to the Dr twice a month every month, only to be faced with a negative result time and time again.

Taking a break was not something I did lightly. I felt I was a failure. That I was giving up when it was starting to get hard and that went against everything I believed in. So my mum encouraged me to go and see my naturopath instead of letting go entirely.

I walked into her room with little faith and pure mental and physical exhaustion. She gave me acupuncture and a few vitamins to take as well as a disgusting drink I referred to as ‘jungle juice.’ I didn’t ovulate that month but I did feel like myself again. The side effects of Clomid had gone away and my cycle was back to normal. When my period returned it was disappointing but not as crushing as the times before. I had new hope.

I went back the next month. Acupuncture again. My naturopath was so full of hope and positive, something I desperately wanted to be. I put my whole faith in her and every morning I told myself to have faith and one day when our baby is ready it will happen. Did this make it easier when my period showed up that month, no. But I figured why immerse myself in negative energy, why not try to embrace the positive.

The next month was different. I have being seeing this naturopath on and off for over 11 years. When my dad was sick with cancer he also went to this naturopath. Over the 11 years I have been, I have never been into the consultation room my dad went into, but on this particular day I did. Normally something like this would throw me into emotional turmoil. Make me crave one last hug from a man I loved so much, followed by endless tears. However on this day it gave me hope. I felt that this was a reminder of just how special and unique life is. How much of a miracle a baby is and that sometimes miracles take a little longer. My naturopath came in and proceeded with the acupuncture. Before she left she told me, you will have a baby soon. So hopeful again. I was left sitting on the table while the needles did there thing, with lots of time to reflect. I left feeling like dad was a little closer, I had a little more faith and a reminder that I needed to treasure all the moments because life is so special.

I was sitting at a table with my family in a restaurant. We were waiting for my brother before we ordered dinner and I was feeling really off. I felt as though I hadn’t eaten all day and was starving to the point that I needed to eat. Straight away my brain was like, OMG could this be it! No don’t be silly, you always have pregnancy symptoms, this is just another one of your google symptoms. My brain was ticking all night. In the morning I decided that I would test, you know just in case. My period wasn’t due until the Monday and it was Saturday. I jumped out of bed and peed on that little white stick. One line appeared. Again! Disappointment hit me again! I washed my face and tied my hair back. I picked up the stick again to throw it in the bin before my dear husband saw it and there was two pink lines! WHAT! No way. I quickly grabbed another one out. Peed on it and waited. Two lines. Another. Two lines. Is this real! I peed on one stick every day for four days, you know just to make sure.

Now 14 weeks pregnant, I still can’t believe that this is actually happening. That this is all real. It’s been a crazy journey for me and believe me I know that people have been through a lot more than me and my heart truly goes out to them. One person is my amazing Aunty who has been through so many rounds of IVF and yet to hold her little miracle.

If you are ttc please never hesitate to talk about it, I believe it’s something that women feel they should endure on their own and this is not the case. Hold on to faith and hope and know that I am sending all the baby dust your way!

xx

 

How to make mum crack in 8 easy steps

Here are eight easy steps, that are a sure fire way to crack this mamma.

  1. Never put anything back after you have played with it. Just walk away and go pull out another 100 toys in a different room.
  2. Cry about getting changed every. single. night. like it’s your damn right job. Even though every night in some form or another you actually go to bed in pyjamas.
  3. Refuse any meal that mum has made. Act like it is complete and utter poison. Instead request plain pasta or a tub of cottage cheese, like your some sort of dictating rock star.
  4. When you feel as though mum is feeling generous and has offered you treat ie. an ice cream.  As soon as the treat is finished beg and cry for another like she didn’t just see you inhale that ice cream in one breath.
  5. Whenever mum is in a hurry, get distracted by anything and everything and slow down to snail pace, then spill food all over your clothes or just simply poop!
  6. When its bed time, get out of bed at least eight times and pretend you have every symptom under the sun, feel sick, need another cuddle, cold, thirsty, want to dance. Any excuse will do!
  7. Do your best to milk mum for anything and everything when on a holiday. After all, all she wants to do is relax and enjoy herself, so one little whinge and you can pretty much have it.
  8. Make sure you give mum a random kiss on the cheek or tell her you love her, so that magically she forgets everything you have done that day to break her sanity. and allows you to stay another day.